Gundam SEED Shinn's lament
by Masonmac
Summary: After the events of GSD, Shinn Asuka finds himself in the midst of a storm... a storm of hate directed at him. Once again, he feels the thought of suicide tugging at him, but nobody can save him now. not even an unlikely friend.


note: I don't own GSD.

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Onogoro Island; ORB Union. The capital city of a simple nation which ended one of the most devastating wars the world had ever seen. In one of its small neighborhoods, there stood a small apartment. The sunlight glared through one window in particular, and hit the eye of its owner, blinding him as he woke up. Said owner had raven-black hair, and blood red eyes. His name was Shinn Asuka, and he was one o the most hated people on the planet.

Getting up from his bed, Shinn quietly spoke to himself: "Heh... even the sun itself hates me. No surprise there." He walked down to his small kitchen and made himself some toast. As he ate, he recalled the newest bad thing to happen to him other than all of the rude things said to him both online and offline, as well as the constant muggings he was subjected to. His former girlfriend, Lunamaria Hawke, had broken up with him after they had been assaulted by what had been now called the "Cult of Kira Yamato", a fanatical group of people who saw the Freedom's pilot as a second coming of Jesus Christ himself.

The day after that, of course, Luna had broken up with Shinn, saying he was too much of a risk to be seen with. Shinn had seen how hard it was for her to say that, but simply nodded. He was unable to feel much of anything anymore, ever since The pilot of the Infinite Justice; Athrun Zala, insulted, berated, and nearly killed him, sending his Destiny Gundam to the surface of the moon, and later the scrap heap. Shinn blocked out the memories, and finished his breakfast. He had an extended leave from the ORB military to which he was drafted to after ZAFT was downsized itself, and wanted to see if he could make it through one day without wanting to kill himself once more. Little did he know that today would be the breaking point that would either make him a feared murderer, or just another suicide victim.

As he stepped out from the apartment, Shinn immediately ducked as a newspaper flew past his head and slapped into the door. "Oops! sorry, Mister!" sneered a thirteen-year-old paperboy as he rode his bike past the red-eyed teen and continued on his route. Shinn simply sighed and hopped on his bike, driving away. There was only one person who Shinn could really call a friend, although she was risking her own reputation. She was Cagalli Yula Attha, Leader of ORB, and the only one to truly forgive him for what he had done in the past. Shinn laughed at the irony. 'First I used to hate her... now she's the only reason I live...'

Shinn stopped at a nearby park, memories of his sister flooding his head. He walked through the area, and as he did so, Shinn felt multiple eyes look upon him. some with disgust, some with fear, but most with pure...burning... hatred. Shinn ignored them all, and heard Kira's voice in his head: "_The hatred will only continue as we continue to fight..._" Shinn thought to himself: 'Oh yeah? Well I've stopped fighting... but the hatred hasn't stopped.' His thoughts ended when a football hit him in the head. Turning, he saw three athletic people walking towards him. Turning around, he saw three more muscular people approach until he was surrounded.

"Shinn Asuka. The bastard douchebag who nearly killed the hero of both of the biggest wars in history. What the hell are you doing here?" The leader demanded. Shinn simply scowled and attempted to walk past him. Instead, the two people following the leader grabbed him and held him in front of the leader. Shinn growled: "Let me go." The leader growled back: "I asked you a question." "What I do is none of your business." "You aren't welcome here." With that, the leader punched Shinn in the face. Soon after, the rest of the group that surrounded him joined in.

"YOU LIKE THAT!? EMO F*G!

"You're pathetic. you couldn't even save ONE girl.

"YOU NEARLY KILLED THE SAVIORS OF MANKIND! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO LIVE!"

These insults were only a handful of what was said that day. Shinn felt his desire to live slipping away as the beatings continued. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Shinn was spat on, and then left to rot in the middle of the park. Waking up hours later, Shinn checked what the group had stolen. He sighed in relief as he felt his phone was still in his pocket and still intact. Looking out to the ocean, Shinn came to a decision: "If everyone wants me dead... fine then. I'll die." He walked to his motorbike and drove to the ORB harbor.

Walking onto the docks, Shinn looked out to the quiet and peaceful ocean. It was sunset. Just like his life, the day was coming to a close. Suddenly, a voice was heard calling his name. Turning around, he saw Cagalli run up to him. "Cagalli... what are you doing here?" "I usually come here to enjoy the view. Why are you here?" Shinn looked away, unable to face his only friend. Cagalli was confused. "Shinn?" Shinn simply replied: "I... I think my time has come." Cagalli paled at that statement: "No... you can't be serious! You can't die! what about your promise to the others that you'd move on!?" Shinn looked her in the eye: " I have kept that promise. the problem is the people who support your brother and fiance... which is everyone." Cagalli stared at the raven haired teen: "What happened now?" "They beat me to a pulp and said horrible things to me. During that little... encounter, I decided something. If I'm the problem, I'm gonna supply the solution." As he said this, he slowly brought himself to the edge of the dock.

Cagalli saw this and dashed towards him, desperate to save the one person who understood her the most. "SHINN! DON'T YOU DARE STEP OFF THAT DOCK!" When she caught up to him, She was surprised when Shinn hugged her. "Cagalli..." Shinn whispered, "You are the Lioness of ORB. You have a brother who can protect you. You're getting married to an extremely capable pilot. You have been the reason I stayed living this long." Cagalli was shocked at how gentle Shinn was, but then felt him let go. "However... You don't need me nearly as much as you think. I'm just another guy. Please... let me go... If not for my sake... for everyone else. I don't belong..." Cagalli begged: "Please... don't do this... You have so much to live for..."

All Shinn said was: "Goodbye... Cagalli." and then, he fell from the docks and let the water take its toll on him. As he did so, Cagalli screamed his name, and broke down.

Weeks later, a statue of the Destiny Gundam was placed by the ORB memorial, as a tribute to Shinn Asuka; a victim of the public view, which was manipulated to win a war. Cagalli began a campaign to clear Shinn's slate as a last favor for the former ZAFT ace. Once her work was finished, The Destiny's statue served as a guardian angel for the souls lost during the bloody valentine wars... and a reminder of a boy who lost everything and tried to save others from having the same fate... but failed because nobody understood what he was trying to do.


End file.
